Love

Love
Sweet Rylan

Friday, February 22, 2013

Indee Rose has given me a new purpose....

I had a long thought today as I stared at my innocent beauty Indee Rose this morning.

At first when I became pregnant with her I was confused, upset, lost, regretful. As sad as I feel to admit this...she is the light of my life, but at one point I was ashamed of myself for not being more careful, and waiting to have another child. I felt embarrassed of being pregnant again when I wasn't in a more ideal situation, or married. Rylan still needed all of my attention, but he has adjusted well and I think Indee is just the icing on our cake!
At that time I didn't know their father would abandon me to do this alone, but I think this is all the way it was meant to be.
He had to leave us and change and be the person he is today for me to finally see why we should not be together. Maybe that was Indee's purpose? To give me a new love, and get rid of an old one.
I think my problem with not being able to see all of this, and the reason I dwelled for so long and so hard on him bailing on us is because of my nature of being too codependent.
Being alone and single is a really hard thing for me, always has been, but right now I am starting to feel it is such a blessing I am alone.
Sure, I wanted my family together, but everyone involved has to want that, sadly their father doesn't understand family, love, and respect for family. He is a little too selfish to care for children.
I have been reading a fabulous book, "Codependent No More" and I feel like it is literally changing my life!

I don't need to be dependent on anyone but myself. I am strong, beautiful, and have two wonderful little blessings.

I don't need the emotional, and verbal abuse. I don't need to be manipulated.

The relationship I have been in for the last 4 years was based on lust, and codependency. We enjoyed eachother so much because we have good conversation, similar views in some ways, and an attraction for one another. We had ZERO respect in our relationship, neither one of us. I didn't respect him due to his selfish ways, and he didn't respect me...due to his selfish ways.

I guess I never realized that their were "real" men with real morals, real respect, real love, and real compassion. Was too focused on the fact I didn't want to be a single mom, and I wanted to be a family. Which I still want...not with him anymore. I want someone to respect me.

I realize now that I was codependent on an idea of what I thought our relationship was going to be, or turn into. I always depended on the thought things would change and be better.
But, now I know that the only person who I can be dependent on is ME.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE.

xoxo
Naomi




Wednesday, February 20, 2013

What does happiness mean for me??


I read something today that says, "The first step to happiness is defining what happiness means for you."

I suppose it inspired me a bit..
What does happiness mean for me??

Happiness is being filled with love, extreme peace, and contentment. Happiness is also loving, accepting, and appreciating who you are. Happiness is respect for yourself and others. Happiness is being to others as you would be to yourself.

My beautiful children remind me of happiness everyday. Each of them are so unique and beautiful and bring much happiness to my life. Most of my happiness. Watching them grow and learn everyday is the most incredible, happy feeling in the world.

Happiness is also family. I wish I weren't a single mom in my lovely family..but it is that way, and I am proud of myself. One day I am sure I will have someone else to share all of my happiness and family with, but until then Rylan Jude and Indee Rose are all of the happy family I need.

Happiness is also health, and respecting your body. I haven't always respected my body, but I do now more than ever.
Happiness is feeling beautiful. Happiness is breathing fresh air, and feeling the wind.
Happiness is enjoying nature, respecting/cherishing our planet and animals.

Happiness is breastfeeding my beautiful babies. Both of them. Individually, and together.
Happiness is eating fresh foods, and drinking clean water.

Happiness is caring about others, and having others who care about you.
Happiness is friendship, laughter, and even tears.

Happiness is feeling emotions.

How do I achieve all of this happiness?? How does anyone?

LET IT BE.

Find happiness in everything, and find happiness in everyone who finds happiness in YOU. 













 xoxo. Naomi<3