Prettiest Indee Rose of Them All!!!

I just wanted to add some updated pics of sweet Indee Babe!!!
She is nearly 6 months old!!! Love her and all of her sweetness:)

Life is so Beautiful Like That<3


So something new has happened in my life. I have found love. Life is beautiful like that you know?
When you are down, life brings you further down. When life brings you back up, you learn to appreciate being up.

I haven't written in my poor blog in so long. It has been so neglected, so has my youtube channel. Anyone who follows, I am so sorry!

Life has left me uninspired in the months before now. I feel like I have put so much out there about myself, and exposed a realness of me that I don't think I want everyone to see. I am unsure about if I want to continue to make my youtube videos for everyone to see, but I may keep writing this blog, who knows.

Anyway. I am such a random rambler!!

Life has given me someone that I needed. I am not sure how or why this person has entered my life, but I needed him.
I love him.

There is someone new in my life that tells me every single day how beautiful I am.
Someone who came to me knowing I had two small kiddos, and wanted to know the real me.
Someone who wanted to be a part of Naomi Rylan and Indee.

Someone who doesn't take me for granted, or bring me down. He brings me up, and wants me to stay up! He goes out of his way for me. He accepts me. He accepts my children.

I met this person over the wonderful world of the INTERNET. Can you believe it?? Haha. He must be a psycho ready to chop me into bits right??
I sure hope not. He's got a good alibi going for him if this is the case at least.....

I only kid. So this person came at me like "Hey girl, you're the prettiest damn thing I ever saw"
And we went from there...
Turns out he's pretty amazing. We get along well. Hes SEXY.

Haha.
Let's talk about a first date as a single mama of a 2 yr old and 3 month old at the time....

First date:

We had been messaging each other for nearly a MONTH before we finally met. (I think he wanted to meet sooner, I was only pushing it off a bit...not really but it's hard getting a babysitter and pumping milk and so on...)
Finally the day came. FIRST DATE DAY. Oh my gosh. So nervous I could puke. I contemplated if I actually wanted to go through with it or not all day long. Even as I was driving to the date I was contemplating if I should show up or not. This man that I had been talking to for so long seemed way too good to be true. How in the world is he so interested in going on a date with ME??
Ill let you in on something here...because I am AWESOME. Haha. I kid again..but for real....
Anyway. We met for sushi. I got there first. Sitting in my car in the parking garage and I nearly puked.
I saw a truck pull up with a hottie inside...KNEW right away it was him...although I am pretty sure he didn't see me...I got out of my car and went to his truck and we hugged and the first thing I said was, "I am so nervous" UGH leave it to me to say something fucking stupid...oh well. we hugged and walked together and chatted akwardly. The sushi was good. We talked a bit,things were going well. Most of all HE WAS SO HOTT. Too hot to handle. For real yo.
Haha. After sushi we went bowling...which I pre warned him I am the worst at, but it was a lot of fun. It was a dark bowling alley, really secluded. Meant for lovers:)
Then that moment happened....FIRST KISS. He pulled me in and kissed me and I am pretty sure I was set that this man was going to be MINE. That moment. Honestly, from the second I saw him I knew he would be mine, but the kiss validated that. What a kiss.
Incredible. The rest of the night I was so high on life that it went so perfectly. We spent a while making out in his truck before we left...and from then on...he has not left my mind.
I feel lucky to have had such an awesome first date expereince. When we left each other and I was off to my life of kiddos...all I could think about is "When can I see him again"
We have been together over a month now officially...dating/talking  for nearly 4 months now!
Life is going good.
Love is good.
Maybe some will say it's too soon for love...but when you know, you know. Right?
So damn random.

But I have my first date and my new love on my mind, and needed to share with you here blogspot friends.

Anyway.
Anything new in your life to inspire you?

Im in love<3

xoxo
Naomi

I WON THE BABY LOTTERY!!!


Not exactly...but I like to believe so. I know all babies are amazing, wonderful, sweet, adorable etc...but I want to brag about MY amazing, wonderful, sweet, adorable, kissable, smiley, sweetie pie Indee Rose.


Ohhhh Indee Rose! How I love her so.
I honestly never thought I could love another as much as I love Rylan, but Indee has made my heart DOUBLE in size. She has shown me a whole new kind of love. A love for my daughter<3 I love my sweet girl so much it makes me cry!
I have an incredible son, and a beautiful daughter. My heart is SO FULL.

Indee is so sweet I can hardly take it. She is so healthy and happy. She is peaceful, calm, content. She loves to sleep. She loves to nurse and cuddle. She loves to be touched, loved, and tickled. She loves to talk and hear herself! She is so vibrant. I am so excited to see how Indee develops and how her personality blossoms. Her tempermant is so happy all of the time, she has been since birth. What an angel baby she is!

Rylan was an amazing baby as well, but I must be honest here he was a bit grumpy. He has always been a sweetie, but has always required a little extra attention to reach a state of contentedness. He always had to be rocked and held and nursed. And always had gas and tummy issues. I have no complaints, I embraced every bit of him, still do. Even now as a toddler he always needs a little extra attention, and sometimes isn't the easiest to console. He is such a sweet, brilliant little boy regardless. He is amazing in every single way.

But Indee....sweet Indee. She is always happy and hardly ever cries. She doesn't require a whole lot of extra anything to be happy. She doesn't ever wake up crying. EVER. I really cannot recall a single time she has woken up crying, or cried throughout the night. She always wakes up,kicks around,  makes sweeeet grunt noises, nurses, goes to sleep. She never wakes up from a nap crying or upset. If she has been awake a while and I still haven't gotten her she will yell a bit, but she hardly ever gets worked up.
She goes with the flow.
Such a beautiful soul she is, I can see every one she meets is going to fall in love with her.
She is so amazing to me it is unreal. I cannot believe she is mine, and I am her mommy. I truly was "blessed" with the most amazing little girl.


Anyway. She is so incredible, I just want to share her with the world!
I hope the world takes care of my sweet princess in return:)


xoxo

She has even grown since these pictures. I will upload new pictures when I get them from my camera. Such a doll!

Free Range, Free Spirited, Free Thinking, Strong Willed RYLAN!!!


Everyday with Rylan is a learning experience, for the both of us. Well, now the three of us. Indee is learning along with us! I haven't updated about my sweet Rylan in a while, so I wanted to take some time and talk about him and what is going in on his life.

Rylan has BIG emotions. He feels things very deeply. He feels sadness to an extreme sad, happiness to an extreme HIGH and curiosity to the fullest. 
With all of these big emotions he is always feeling, I have to constantly find ways to understand his emotions and help him to express them. It's not always easy.....especially when the emotions I am trying to help him with are angry, hurt, or confused emotions.

I have been trying really hard lately to change my ways, and consistently give Rylan the love and attention that he needs to feel secure. I would love to say I have always given him the perfect amount of love and security at all times, but that isn't true. I am human, I am a parent, and I am going at it by myself....so unfortunately my patience has run thin...many times. Peaceful parenting is hard. I have yelled, shouted, scolded, and threatened Rylan before..not something I am proud to admit, but I know it isn't the right way to teach Rylan. I don't go around beating my kid or anything, nor have I hit him by any means, but my first reaction to his behavior has been yelling and shaming a time or two. Each time I have felt so much guilt, and swore I would never scream at Rylan or lose my cool again. I don't want to break that or ever treat Rylan less than me. Rylan is a very strong willed little guy. He is brilliant. He knows what he wants, and he wants to be in control. There is nothing wrong with that. Rylan should be in control of his life, and his emotions. I do not OWN him. I am simply here to love him, teach him, and guide him peacefully so that he will grow up loving, learning, and pursuing his life in a peaceful path. I want Rylan to grow up feeling secure with who he is, and never feel that he is inferior to anyone.    
So many parents think that they need to control their kids. At some times I feel the same. "Rylan don't touch that, don't do that, don't say that, don't yell, don't whine" those words have come out of my mouth before and I HATE them.  
Rylan is entitled to touch whatever he wants, do what he want's, and whine when he wants. To an extent of course. There are always boundaries with what children can do of course...but I feel like sometimes I am agitated with something he is doing when really....why???
I try to take a second to think about "Is what Rylan is doing right now bad behavior that needs intervention (hurting himself, hurting others etc) or is it just annoying to me?? So, that has changed my perspective a little.

Peaceful parenting can be so hard. I always feel like I am being judged.
Yes I have THAT kid. The wild one who talks really loudly and screams alot. Who throws huge tantrums whenever wherever.
He is also incredibly sweet and caring. He is curious and loving. He is silly and cuddly. He just has really big emotions and needs help understanding them.
I think it's also his age. Other kids his age all have lots of similar tantrum throwing ways.

I have people that try to put me down saying I am not doing it right for not spanking, yelling, shaming etc.
 But, I truly feel in my heart that I need to have patience with Rylan. I need to give him big hugs and tickles when he's mad or sad...not send him to time out, scream at him, or hurt him. He needs emotional support always.
If I shame him, put him down, yell at him, and hurt him when he is trying to understand his emotions, and how to act in this world...how will he trust me?
One day when he has big things going on in his life, I wan't him to trust that I am there...to listen, to love, to support. I want him to trust that now as well. I am here always.


Some people have expectations that your child needs to act, think, and speak a certain way. They expect that your child needs to listen and obey.

I don't want Rylan to obey me "cause I said so" that is wrong. Who's to say I know it all? I don't. It's bullshit. Rylan needs to know he should question everything and everyone, including me. He shouldn't feel that he has to obey.

I feel that giving him freedom in his life, allowing him to take the lead will help him to feel confident and secure.
Really rambling....I am just so sick of hearing I am doing it all wrong.

Screaming, shouting, and shaming is all wrong.

I strive for more patience in my life. I am committing myself to open my mind to Rylan's mind. Connecting with him on a level that builds his trust and makes him feel secure.

I do have wonderful best friend support in all of this, but have some very negatives in my life that are bringing me down....

I refuse to let the negatives consume me! Peaceful thoughts, patience, and love are on my mind:)


xoxoxox
Naomi<3

Indee Rose has given me a new purpose....

I had a long thought today as I stared at my innocent beauty Indee Rose this morning.

At first when I became pregnant with her I was confused, upset, lost, regretful. As sad as I feel to admit this...she is the light of my life, but at one point I was ashamed of myself for not being more careful, and waiting to have another child. I felt embarrassed of being pregnant again when I wasn't in a more ideal situation, or married. Rylan still needed all of my attention, but he has adjusted well and I think Indee is just the icing on our cake!
At that time I didn't know their father would abandon me to do this alone, but I think this is all the way it was meant to be.
He had to leave us and change and be the person he is today for me to finally see why we should not be together. Maybe that was Indee's purpose? To give me a new love, and get rid of an old one.
I think my problem with not being able to see all of this, and the reason I dwelled for so long and so hard on him bailing on us is because of my nature of being too codependent.
Being alone and single is a really hard thing for me, always has been, but right now I am starting to feel it is such a blessing I am alone.
Sure, I wanted my family together, but everyone involved has to want that, sadly their father doesn't understand family, love, and respect for family. He is a little too selfish to care for children.
I have been reading a fabulous book, "Codependent No More" and I feel like it is literally changing my life!

I don't need to be dependent on anyone but myself. I am strong, beautiful, and have two wonderful little blessings.

I don't need the emotional, and verbal abuse. I don't need to be manipulated.

The relationship I have been in for the last 4 years was based on lust, and codependency. We enjoyed eachother so much because we have good conversation, similar views in some ways, and an attraction for one another. We had ZERO respect in our relationship, neither one of us. I didn't respect him due to his selfish ways, and he didn't respect me...due to his selfish ways.

I guess I never realized that their were "real" men with real morals, real respect, real love, and real compassion. Was too focused on the fact I didn't want to be a single mom, and I wanted to be a family. Which I still want...not with him anymore. I want someone to respect me.

I realize now that I was codependent on an idea of what I thought our relationship was going to be, or turn into. I always depended on the thought things would change and be better.
But, now I know that the only person who I can be dependent on is ME.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE.

xoxo
Naomi

What does happiness mean for me??


I read something today that says, "The first step to happiness is defining what happiness means for you."

I suppose it inspired me a bit..
What does happiness mean for me??

Happiness is being filled with love, extreme peace, and contentment. Happiness is also loving, accepting, and appreciating who you are. Happiness is respect for yourself and others. Happiness is being to others as you would be to yourself.

My beautiful children remind me of happiness everyday. Each of them are so unique and beautiful and bring much happiness to my life. Most of my happiness. Watching them grow and learn everyday is the most incredible, happy feeling in the world.

Happiness is also family. I wish I weren't a single mom in my lovely family..but it is that way, and I am proud of myself. One day I am sure I will have someone else to share all of my happiness and family with, but until then Rylan Jude and Indee Rose are all of the happy family I need.

Happiness is also health, and respecting your body. I haven't always respected my body, but I do now more than ever.
Happiness is feeling beautiful. Happiness is breathing fresh air, and feeling the wind.
Happiness is enjoying nature, respecting/cherishing our planet and animals.

Happiness is breastfeeding my beautiful babies. Both of them. Individually, and together.
Happiness is eating fresh foods, and drinking clean water.

Happiness is caring about others, and having others who care about you.
Happiness is friendship, laughter, and even tears.

Happiness is feeling emotions.

How do I achieve all of this happiness?? How does anyone?

LET IT BE.

Find happiness in everything, and find happiness in everyone who finds happiness in YOU. 

 xoxo. Naomi<3