Sweet Rylan

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Free Range, Free Spirited, Free Thinking, Strong Willed RYLAN!!!

Everyday with Rylan is a learning experience, for the both of us. Well, now the three of us. Indee is learning along with us! I haven't updated about my sweet Rylan in a while, so I wanted to take some time and talk about him and what is going in on his life.

Rylan has BIG emotions. He feels things very deeply. He feels sadness to an extreme sad, happiness to an extreme HIGH and curiosity to the fullest
With all of these big emotions he is always feeling, I have to constantly find ways to understand his emotions and help him to express them. It's not always easy.....especially when the emotions I am trying to help him with are angry, hurt, or confused emotions.

I have been trying really hard lately to change my ways, and consistently give Rylan the love and attention that he needs to feel secure. I would love to say I have always given him the perfect amount of love and security at all times, but that isn't true. I am human, I am a parent, and I am going at it by unfortunately my patience has run thin...many times. Peaceful parenting is hard. I have yelled, shouted, scolded, and threatened Rylan before..not something I am proud to admit, but I know it isn't the right way to teach Rylan. I don't go around beating my kid or anything, nor have I hit him by any means, but my first reaction to his behavior has been yelling and shaming a time or two. Each time I have felt so much guilt, and swore I would never scream at Rylan or lose my cool again. I don't want to break that or ever treat Rylan less than me. Rylan is a very strong willed little guy. He is brilliant. He knows what he wants, and he wants to be in control. There is nothing wrong with that. Rylan should be in control of his life, and his emotions. I do not OWN him. I am simply here to love him, teach him, and guide him peacefully so that he will grow up loving, learning, and pursuing his life in a peaceful path. I want Rylan to grow up feeling secure with who he is, and never feel that he is inferior to anyone.    
So many parents think that they need to control their kids. At some times I feel the same. "Rylan don't touch that, don't do that, don't say that, don't yell, don't whine" those words have come out of my mouth before and I HATE them.  
Rylan is entitled to touch whatever he wants, do what he want's, and whine when he wants. To an extent of course. There are always boundaries with what children can do of course...but I feel like sometimes I am agitated with something he is doing when really....why???
I try to take a second to think about "Is what Rylan is doing right now bad behavior that needs intervention (hurting himself, hurting others etc) or is it just annoying to me?? So, that has changed my perspective a little.

Peaceful parenting can be so hard. I always feel like I am being judged.
Yes I have THAT kid. The wild one who talks really loudly and screams alot. Who throws huge tantrums whenever wherever.
He is also incredibly sweet and caring. He is curious and loving. He is silly and cuddly. He just has really big emotions and needs help understanding them.
I think it's also his age. Other kids his age all have lots of similar tantrum throwing ways.

I have people that try to put me down saying I am not doing it right for not spanking, yelling, shaming etc.
 But, I truly feel in my heart that I need to have patience with Rylan. I need to give him big hugs and tickles when he's mad or sad...not send him to time out, scream at him, or hurt him. He needs emotional support always.
If I shame him, put him down, yell at him, and hurt him when he is trying to understand his emotions, and how to act in this will he trust me?
One day when he has big things going on in his life, I wan't him to trust that I am listen, to love, to support. I want him to trust that now as well. I am here always.

Some people have expectations that your child needs to act, think, and speak a certain way. They expect that your child needs to listen and obey.

I don't want Rylan to obey me "cause I said so" that is wrong. Who's to say I know it all? I don't. It's bullshit. Rylan needs to know he should question everything and everyone, including me. He shouldn't feel that he has to obey.

I feel that giving him freedom in his life, allowing him to take the lead will help him to feel confident and secure.
Really rambling....I am just so sick of hearing I am doing it all wrong.

Screaming, shouting, and shaming is all wrong.

I strive for more patience in my life. I am committing myself to open my mind to Rylan's mind. Connecting with him on a level that builds his trust and makes him feel secure.

I do have wonderful best friend support in all of this, but have some very negatives in my life that are bringing me down....

I refuse to let the negatives consume me! Peaceful thoughts, patience, and love are on my mind:)



  1. Love this! You are such a wonderful momma, I strive to be like you :) Rylan is such an amazing kid. And like all kids, he deserves to be free <3 I love you three so so much!

    1. Ahhh I love you Jenny!! Yes indeed our kids need to be free!