Sweet Rylan

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Birth Control: My experience with the MINI PILL

So. Birth control pills. something that I am so very against but have been taking. If I were not in a relationship, or even in a relationship I knew were going to last a long time...I wouldn't be taking it. I was using Natural Family Planning before,the method of keeping track of your cycle, knowing when you're ovulating, and avoiding/protecting against pregnancy when you are most "fertile".
This method is as effective or even more so effective than a pill. 
However, I did fall pregnant with my sweetest Indee using this method. Mainly I think because I wasn't being as accurate as I should have been with keeping track  a certain month, and just so happen to get pregnant that month. We were using the "pull out method" at this time, but we see how that can fail! much as I would LOVE to go back to NFP for the sake of my body, it is just not possible at the moment. I have a new boyfriend, two kids from a previous relationship, an unstable cycle, and I think it makes my boyfriend more at ease that I am on birth control. Now...if things get really serious between the two of us and we are talking long term relationship I may educate him on this method and give it another go, but for now him and I are both comfortable with birth control pills. 

I have been taking the Mini Pill for 3 months now, and so far IM NOT pregnant, and all is well. It is working effectively I must admit, but here is what has been going on with my body.

First of all, my cycle is completely unpredictable. For the first time in YEARS I have no idea where my cycle is at. I think that is due to the pill changing my cycle, but maybe still postpartum problems? My body getting back to its normal? I am not sure, but I have no regular pattern, and I am not even sure I am ovulating right now. My cervical mucus is changing from the pill, and its very hard to tell if I am ovulating at all. 
How the pill works: The mini pill has no estrogen, used for breastfeeding mothers so that the combo hormones do not dry up the milk. If you are not breastfeeding the pill is not recommended because a combo hormone pill is most effective. The pill works by changing the lining of the uterus so that it is almost impossible for fertilization to occur. It also changes the cervical mucus making it hard for sperm to live in such environment.
What has been happening to me though is inbetween period spotting/bleeding. Since I have been taking the pill I have had a period to last 5 or so days, very heavy at the beginning, then slow down and stop by day 5. Then One to two weeks later I have a "mini period" that is spotting/bleeding but not even enough to use anything. Mostly occurs when I wipe, or have sex. Which is so irritating!!! I am bleeding every two weeks for 5 days at a time...which feels like I am bleeding ALL THE TIME. Sucks so bad. I just want to be able to have sex without a damn bloddy sex towell or bloody sheets. Is that too much to ask?

From the research I have done, this is pretty normal, but if it continues for months and months longer I should talk to my doctor. 
I am also experiencing mood changes/irritability, breast tenderness at times, a breast GROWTH, bloated around period start.
I have also experienced a more serious side effect of abdominal cramping/pain. 
This is all pretty normal effects for me on birth control, as it was the same when taking it in the past...but I KNOW in my heart it isn't natural or good for my body. Sigh :(

What can you do?
Get pregnant? NOT ready for that, nor do I want that. I am still trying to enjoy my new relationship, and have a baby Indee who is only 7 months old.
It's so hard to believe my body is still recovering from 9 months pregnancy, and the thought of another pregnancy and baby so soon makes me cringe!
Anyway....there is my experience with this birth control. This is where I am now with it, as much as I hate it, it is the best option for my boyfriend and I at the moment, even though I know it's doing my body no good.

What birth control methods do you use?

Lots of love!



Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Clingy, Attached, Jealous feeling ICKKKY

Ever have those feelings in your relationship? You know when you start to feel really attached, clingy..jealous of things that haven't happened! What an icky place to be in.
Ive caught myself lately feeling this way. Like my whole world should revolve around love, ,my relationship with my boyfriend, moving forward....,HOLD UP SLOW THE FUCK DOWN NAOMI.

This is not the person I am. I dont cling and get so attached it drives me nuts but here I am lately feeling that way. I caught myself though and hopefully putting an end to it. Haha.
I guess being with someone that doesn't have kids makes it a constant struggle. He doesn't have two kids constantly needing attention. He is free to himself. I don't have a clue what the hell I would be doing with my time if I were free to myself.

Things didn't go that way for me obviously.  I am not even sure I can imagine life that way. Where I would be if it were just Naomi to be worried about.
So anyway...obviously I have no reason or way to get out and meet a ton of people and flaunt my stuff and flirt with random people etc...I have out with kids all day. So, coming up with scenarios in my head about what my "free" boyfriend must be doing with his alone time is what I have caught myself doing. And UGH. CUT that SHIT out. I don't want to even go there.

If he is a scumbag that is off cheating, calling/texting girls etc...he will be exposed eventually right?

I am not sure why I always have such a hard time trusting people..but I have a feeling my past has a lot to do with it. People haven't exactly been so great to me before so I often think "Well he must be doing those things behind my back too"...which is a ridiculous thought process but it makes sense why I have my guard up.

Anyway...back to being clingy.
Asking your man 20 times a day what he's doing, why won't you text back...YUCK TO THE FUCKING YUCK.
Why in the world would a man want someone who is so dependent on them? I don't want to be that girl. I want to do me, and my kiddos, then make time for him.

I do know that I love my boyfriend and want things to be awesome, of course I want things to move forward...
But why not appreciate what is now, and let it be?
Telling myself that everyday.

Anyway...I am a weirdo. So what??

I love your face. Yes, you Naomi. The one who writes this, and the only one to read it.

Much love,

-No longer clingy ass bitch.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Busy Life...

I have gotten myself extremly busy lately. Life has picked up on me, and I feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I started watching two kiddos, which I love them both, but I am so exhausted!
I wake up at 6 am to get ready for my day and don't hit the pillow to sleep until 12 am. It is a long day!

So..I have been so caught up with that, my kiddos, my new love, friends...
I have neglected other things in life...laundry, cleaning, healthy eating, my activities/passions/things that inspire me. I don't make time for my hobbies or myself.
I have been feeling neglected lately, but I think maybe I am neglecting myself.
I haven't been doing things for me that make me happy. I haven't made you tube videos or written in my blog. I haven't read a book lately. Haven't been cooking 3 healthy meals a day, haven't been eating as clean as I would like. I haven't been crafting things, sewing, scrap booking, organizing.
I have been so busy with life I have neglected myself and everything I am about.
I want to get back to it all but how in the world do I find time? When my kiddos go to sleep I have to pick up, and get ready for the next day. Which then leaves me at about 9:30 pm where I can sit for myself for a bit before going to sleep. I could fit one thing in every day, but I am in an uninspired funk.
I have no idea what this funk is all about. I feel strange in my life though.

It's crazy. I have a new man in my life who I really love..but there is something missing. Not another person, but myself. I am feeling a bit absent in my own life lately. Does that even make sense?
I have neglected myself. I guess as a single mom balancing all that I am in my life I have no time to treat and pamper myself. Although I do deserve it.

Psssssh I dont even know what I am talking about anymore. I do know I miss Naomi though.
I don't feel security, and it has left me on edge in my life. I feel like not a thing is certain and something is bound to be ripped away from me at any moment. 
I hate these negative thoughts! I want to feel secure, I hope I can get there soon.
I have been feeling a bit lonely too. I am surrounded by people that love me but I still feel a lonely struggle. That feeling goes away when I am with him, but a lot of the time I am alone and it feels uncomfortable. I need to love being alone with myself more, but I am feeling a bit down about it lately.

What a depressing blog post, I know. But I feel the need to put this out what I am thinking today, right now.

Hope the next blog post will be the exact opposite in emotion.



Sunday, June 16, 2013

Prettiest Indee Rose of Them All!!!

I just wanted to add some updated pics of sweet Indee Babe!!!
She is nearly 6 months old!!! Love her and all of her sweetness:)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Life is so Beautiful Like That<3

So something new has happened in my life. I have found love. Life is beautiful like that you know?
When you are down, life brings you further down. When life brings you back up, you learn to appreciate being up.

I haven't written in my poor blog in so long. It has been so neglected, so has my youtube channel. Anyone who follows, I am so sorry!

Life has left me uninspired in the months before now. I feel like I have put so much out there about myself, and exposed a realness of me that I don't think I want everyone to see. I am unsure about if I want to continue to make my youtube videos for everyone to see, but I may keep writing this blog, who knows.

Anyway. I am such a random rambler!!

Life has given me someone that I needed. I am not sure how or why this person has entered my life, but I needed him.
I love him.

There is someone new in my life that tells me every single day how beautiful I am.
Someone who came to me knowing I had two small kiddos, and wanted to know the real me.
Someone who wanted to be a part of Naomi Rylan and Indee.

Someone who doesn't take me for granted, or bring me down. He brings me up, and wants me to stay up! He goes out of his way for me. He accepts me. He accepts my children.

I met this person over the wonderful world of the INTERNET. Can you believe it?? Haha. He must be a psycho ready to chop me into bits right??
I sure hope not. He's got a good alibi going for him if this is the case at least.....

I only kid. So this person came at me like "Hey girl, you're the prettiest damn thing I ever saw"
And we went from there...
Turns out he's pretty amazing. We get along well. Hes SEXY.

Let's talk about a first date as a single mama of a 2 yr old and 3 month old at the time....

First date:

We had been messaging each other for nearly a MONTH before we finally met. (I think he wanted to meet sooner, I was only pushing it off a bit...not really but it's hard getting a babysitter and pumping milk and so on...)
Finally the day came. FIRST DATE DAY. Oh my gosh. So nervous I could puke. I contemplated if I actually wanted to go through with it or not all day long. Even as I was driving to the date I was contemplating if I should show up or not. This man that I had been talking to for so long seemed way too good to be true. How in the world is he so interested in going on a date with ME??
Ill let you in on something here...because I am AWESOME. Haha. I kid again..but for real....
Anyway. We met for sushi. I got there first. Sitting in my car in the parking garage and I nearly puked.
I saw a truck pull up with a hottie inside...KNEW right away it was him...although I am pretty sure he didn't see me...I got out of my car and went to his truck and we hugged and the first thing I said was, "I am so nervous" UGH leave it to me to say something fucking stupid...oh well. we hugged and walked together and chatted akwardly. The sushi was good. We talked a bit,things were going well. Most of all HE WAS SO HOTT. Too hot to handle. For real yo.
Haha. After sushi we went bowling...which I pre warned him I am the worst at, but it was a lot of fun. It was a dark bowling alley, really secluded. Meant for lovers:)
Then that moment happened....FIRST KISS. He pulled me in and kissed me and I am pretty sure I was set that this man was going to be MINE. That moment. Honestly, from the second I saw him I knew he would be mine, but the kiss validated that. What a kiss.
Incredible. The rest of the night I was so high on life that it went so perfectly. We spent a while making out in his truck before we left...and from then on...he has not left my mind.
I feel lucky to have had such an awesome first date expereince. When we left each other and I was off to my life of kiddos...all I could think about is "When can I see him again"
We have been together over a month now  for nearly 4 months now!
Life is going good.
Love is good.
Maybe some will say it's too soon for love...but when you know, you know. Right?
So damn random.

But I have my first date and my new love on my mind, and needed to share with you here blogspot friends.

Anything new in your life to inspire you?

Im in love<3


Wednesday, April 10, 2013


Not exactly...but I like to believe so. I know all babies are amazing, wonderful, sweet, adorable etc...but I want to brag about MY amazing, wonderful, sweet, adorable, kissable, smiley, sweetie pie Indee Rose.

Ohhhh Indee Rose! How I love her so.
I honestly never thought I could love another as much as I love Rylan, but Indee has made my heart DOUBLE in size. She has shown me a whole new kind of love. A love for my daughter<3 I love my sweet girl so much it makes me cry!
I have an incredible son, and a beautiful daughter. My heart is SO FULL.

Indee is so sweet I can hardly take it. She is so healthy and happy. She is peaceful, calm, content. She loves to sleep. She loves to nurse and cuddle. She loves to be touched, loved, and tickled. She loves to talk and hear herself! She is so vibrant. I am so excited to see how Indee develops and how her personality blossoms. Her tempermant is so happy all of the time, she has been since birth. What an angel baby she is!

Rylan was an amazing baby as well, but I must be honest here he was a bit grumpy. He has always been a sweetie, but has always required a little extra attention to reach a state of contentedness. He always had to be rocked and held and nursed. And always had gas and tummy issues. I have no complaints, I embraced every bit of him, still do. Even now as a toddler he always needs a little extra attention, and sometimes isn't the easiest to console. He is such a sweet, brilliant little boy regardless. He is amazing in every single way.

But Indee....sweet Indee. She is always happy and hardly ever cries. She doesn't require a whole lot of extra anything to be happy. She doesn't ever wake up crying. EVER. I really cannot recall a single time she has woken up crying, or cried throughout the night. She always wakes up,kicks around,  makes sweeeet grunt noises, nurses, goes to sleep. She never wakes up from a nap crying or upset. If she has been awake a while and I still haven't gotten her she will yell a bit, but she hardly ever gets worked up.
She goes with the flow.
Such a beautiful soul she is, I can see every one she meets is going to fall in love with her.
She is so amazing to me it is unreal. I cannot believe she is mine, and I am her mommy. I truly was "blessed" with the most amazing little girl.

Anyway. She is so incredible, I just want to share her with the world!
I hope the world takes care of my sweet princess in return:)


She has even grown since these pictures. I will upload new pictures when I get them from my camera. Such a doll!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Free Range, Free Spirited, Free Thinking, Strong Willed RYLAN!!!

Everyday with Rylan is a learning experience, for the both of us. Well, now the three of us. Indee is learning along with us! I haven't updated about my sweet Rylan in a while, so I wanted to take some time and talk about him and what is going in on his life.

Rylan has BIG emotions. He feels things very deeply. He feels sadness to an extreme sad, happiness to an extreme HIGH and curiosity to the fullest
With all of these big emotions he is always feeling, I have to constantly find ways to understand his emotions and help him to express them. It's not always easy.....especially when the emotions I am trying to help him with are angry, hurt, or confused emotions.

I have been trying really hard lately to change my ways, and consistently give Rylan the love and attention that he needs to feel secure. I would love to say I have always given him the perfect amount of love and security at all times, but that isn't true. I am human, I am a parent, and I am going at it by unfortunately my patience has run thin...many times. Peaceful parenting is hard. I have yelled, shouted, scolded, and threatened Rylan before..not something I am proud to admit, but I know it isn't the right way to teach Rylan. I don't go around beating my kid or anything, nor have I hit him by any means, but my first reaction to his behavior has been yelling and shaming a time or two. Each time I have felt so much guilt, and swore I would never scream at Rylan or lose my cool again. I don't want to break that or ever treat Rylan less than me. Rylan is a very strong willed little guy. He is brilliant. He knows what he wants, and he wants to be in control. There is nothing wrong with that. Rylan should be in control of his life, and his emotions. I do not OWN him. I am simply here to love him, teach him, and guide him peacefully so that he will grow up loving, learning, and pursuing his life in a peaceful path. I want Rylan to grow up feeling secure with who he is, and never feel that he is inferior to anyone.    
So many parents think that they need to control their kids. At some times I feel the same. "Rylan don't touch that, don't do that, don't say that, don't yell, don't whine" those words have come out of my mouth before and I HATE them.  
Rylan is entitled to touch whatever he wants, do what he want's, and whine when he wants. To an extent of course. There are always boundaries with what children can do of course...but I feel like sometimes I am agitated with something he is doing when really....why???
I try to take a second to think about "Is what Rylan is doing right now bad behavior that needs intervention (hurting himself, hurting others etc) or is it just annoying to me?? So, that has changed my perspective a little.

Peaceful parenting can be so hard. I always feel like I am being judged.
Yes I have THAT kid. The wild one who talks really loudly and screams alot. Who throws huge tantrums whenever wherever.
He is also incredibly sweet and caring. He is curious and loving. He is silly and cuddly. He just has really big emotions and needs help understanding them.
I think it's also his age. Other kids his age all have lots of similar tantrum throwing ways.

I have people that try to put me down saying I am not doing it right for not spanking, yelling, shaming etc.
 But, I truly feel in my heart that I need to have patience with Rylan. I need to give him big hugs and tickles when he's mad or sad...not send him to time out, scream at him, or hurt him. He needs emotional support always.
If I shame him, put him down, yell at him, and hurt him when he is trying to understand his emotions, and how to act in this will he trust me?
One day when he has big things going on in his life, I wan't him to trust that I am listen, to love, to support. I want him to trust that now as well. I am here always.

Some people have expectations that your child needs to act, think, and speak a certain way. They expect that your child needs to listen and obey.

I don't want Rylan to obey me "cause I said so" that is wrong. Who's to say I know it all? I don't. It's bullshit. Rylan needs to know he should question everything and everyone, including me. He shouldn't feel that he has to obey.

I feel that giving him freedom in his life, allowing him to take the lead will help him to feel confident and secure.
Really rambling....I am just so sick of hearing I am doing it all wrong.

Screaming, shouting, and shaming is all wrong.

I strive for more patience in my life. I am committing myself to open my mind to Rylan's mind. Connecting with him on a level that builds his trust and makes him feel secure.

I do have wonderful best friend support in all of this, but have some very negatives in my life that are bringing me down....

I refuse to let the negatives consume me! Peaceful thoughts, patience, and love are on my mind:)